A (fictional) descendant of the town’s founder, Special Correspondent Amory Maynard investigates Maynard’s oddities, mysteries, shenanigans, and minor mischief that threatens the fabric of absolutely nothing.  Amory’s work is satirical, lighthearted, and intended only to entertain the citizens of Maynard.

At some point early in this holiday season, long before residents were strolling and sipping through Maynard’s shops, and before Santa climbed into a helicopter to fly over the holiday parade, someone (or someones) staged a surprise holiday lark in the heart of Maynard’s downtown. When the sun rose on December 6th, approximately 65 parking meters were dressed in their finest holiday attire. The meters, which the Town recently emptied and decommissioned with “free parking” stickers as part of a longer term plan to upgrade downtown parking, donned beards, glasses, googly eyes, scarves, and hats.

Witnesses claim to have seen a darkly dressed figure in a red cap darting through town, but security cameras caught only a blur – tall, quick – moving with the practiced ease of someone who has done this before. Town employees were baffled, with Economic Development Manager Ebeneezer Scrooge  noting “I appreciate the spirit here, but defacement of public property is a criminal offense.” Despite the chagrin of Town Hall, local shoppers embraced the prank. Longtime resident Cindy Loo Who even celebrated, saying “This has really put me in the Christmas Spirit! I am doing all of my last minute Christmas Shopping downtown and actually enjoying myself thanks to these adorable meters!” 

Police Sargeant George Bailey estimates the work took “at least eight hours, likely with a small team” suggesting an organized and pre-planned hit. He added “whoever they are, they know our patrol schedules.” 

The outfits show technical consistency: the same beard length, coordinating Christmas sunglasses, the same felt hats. Local officials questioned staff at the newly opened Michael’s craft store in town. The store’s manager, who asked not to be named, confirmed that “a customer bought 10 bags of white poly-fil and 10 yards of red felt last week, paying in cash and wearing a surgical mask.” Security footage shows only a beige coat and gloves.

In an era of cynicism, the whimsical prank has sparked unusual civic optimism. Small businesses report increased foot traffic. Social media is filled with photos of toddlers hugging Santa-clad meters. Even typically grumpy commuters admit the surprise made them smile.

But who did it? As of the writing of this story, the festive culprits have yet to be identified, and #MeterClaus is trending on local social media channels. But stay tuned to The Maynard Voice as our crack investigative team works tirelessly to uncover the truth behind the mysterious “Meter Claus.”